Tail bones are dumb

Yesterday morning Taylor came down early to visit with me in the kitchen. The day before I had mopped and we didn't have floor cleaner so I used dishwasher soap. I figured it would be like Dawn soap. Well, not exactly. It left the tile floor pretty greasy. So that being said, Taylor gets to the bottom of the stairs and says "steeeephanieeeee" and I poke my head around the corner and smiled at her. Then after a pause we started running towards each other a la every cheesy couples movie with the two running towards each other in a field of daisies. 
 
Pretty much as soon as I reached her my feet slipped out from under me and I landed on my ass and it SUCKED. My gosh it hurt. How I felt:




I thought for a moment I had actually broken it, but I think I just panicked. Taylor tried to help me up but I couldn't move so I told her I would just stay on the floor for a bit. So she ran away. At first I was kinda hurt, but then I thought ok, well it's not like this is any fun for her. But then, bless her sweet little heart, she brought me a pillow from the lounge so I could put my head down on it! I mean, how much better could a little girl be?! Then we cuddled on the floor. Awww...

Hope this works. I am uploading straight from Picasa. Footage from Rod Stewart concert "...you're in my soul, you're in my heart..."

Even Jesus is like, "Just go"

So today I went to the Ash Wednesday mass at Taylor's school. I sat behind these two chicks, one of whom had a baby with her. About halfway through the service she decides the baby is hungry and just pulls her boob out to start feeding. Now, did she really feel like that was the best course of action? I mean, I'm not even a guy and I couldn't stop looking at her. This poor boy in the row in front of her caught a glimpse of what was going on and stared right at her the whole time. Don't know if she didn't see or didn't care...probably the latter. Not to mention the Father, at least in my mind, got a little distracted because I swear he looked over and stumbled over his next sentence. Guess who didn't look our way for the rest of the service? I felt like I was being excluded and ignored because this dumb broad I sit behind felt the need to stay in the middle of a packed church service to nurse her baby. You couldn't at least go to the back row?!

I was distracted the whole time she was nursing and I know I wasn't the only one. I couldn't focus on repenting or giving up something for Lent or Jesus all because this woman had to pull it out in church. I've heard about people doing it in restaurants and subways and all that. I guess there are some times when you can't avoid doing it and there is no where else to go and feed your child, but seriously? During a church service?! And now I am rambling on about Crazy and Jesus is probably not thrilled that the first thing I do when I come home from church is gossip about her. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, LADY.

Army of Ants

Today I broke up a line of ants that had invaded my room and I really enjoyed watching them scatter. I imagine their leader saying "Run, brethren, we are under attack!" and others yelling "Abandon ranks! Pull back! For the love of all that is holy GET YOURSELVES OUT!" I may be imaginative but it just makes me laugh when they get all panicked and run off in different directions. 


Anyway. That is all.

No Desire to be Productive, Thanks.

Today is one of those days (I seem to have so many of these) when I have things to do and can be a great, productive member of society, but instead of doing these things I troll the internet. I wanted to run or do some yoga, any sort of exercise. Nope. Gotta clean the house because I thought it would be a good idea to add that to my duties. Nope.  In an exciting country that you will not see again for quite some time with hours to spend by yourself during the afternoon? Who cares. Facebook. Pinterest. Planning a fake wedding. YouTube surfing. I honestly can waste so much time on the internet it's scary. I can tell how sad my trolling is getting when I check failbook and failblog so often that there are no new posts. So when that happens I try to unplug. But it makes me so happy. Anything to not expend effort. Is this how people end up alienating the world and getting fat and only having online friends? Is it okay that I am avoiding being an adult pretty much completely? I don't care. I love it. 

Yesterday I told Taylor that I went on a date and said "how bout them apples?" and she looked at the fruit basket and goes "oh! did you get more apples!?" . . . . .  "yes, I got more apples."

Fine. I will go clean. But I will be thinking about those internets the whole time.

Spare change? No.

So a couple weekends ago, when Christen was in town we were at the bus stop and a homeless lady came over. She was pushing a pram with the hood over it (so we couldn't see what was inside) and started talking to an older lady next to us. Then after a couple minutes she found her merry way to us (yay!) and this is how a homeless woman ended up yelling at me:

Her: Spare change?
Me: No...
Her: [stares] What? [angry staring]
[yells] DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY COMPASSION AT ALL?
Me: I guess not. [nervous and awkward giggle from me; silent and shocked Christen]
Her: OH, YOU THINK SOMEONE WITH NO HOME OR MONEY IS FUNNY?
Me: No. I think it's funny that a few seconds ago you were asking me for money and now you're yelling at me. 
Her: [yells] You are heartless! [walking away] Fucking kids...


Now, I gotta say- that was incredible. Never have I ever been yelled at by someone in a worse position to be a bitch. We figured her tack was to intimidate people into giving charity. After that beautiful display of compassion and Jesusry, the older lady came over to us and informed us that Homeless Bird told her (quietly, of course) that if no one else had been around, she would have knocked the old lady down and taken everything she had. Are you serious!? The brazenness this woman showed amazed me. Also, there was a dog in the pram, which was lucky for her, because once she started yelling at me, I was all geared up to lecture her on the importance of closing her legs and/or the benefits of suicide. Not really about the latter, but I had no problem lecturing her on abstinence. Lucky for her it was just a dog and she didn't have to hear about it. 


Also, I might point out that Miss Bad Ass New Yorker, Christen P (or Sharon as the little girls like to call her for no reason at all) was silent through this whole thing and offered me no backup whatsoever! Silence from the girl who, the very day before (at another bus stop, actually) a lady stole her seat on the bench and Christen bad mouthed her until the next bus came. Bad mouthed her right next to her, so she was sure to hear every bit. Thanks for the effort, Sharon! :)